The Neuralizer

The Neuralizer

The neuralizer was a tool used by the Men in Black in both films. This alien technology was borrowed by the MIB as K suggested in the first movie:

“This is a gift from some friends from out of town.”

In the first movie, the neuralizer has an intense red flash from the red tip of the mechanism. In the second, this tip is blue. It is no larger than two large highlighters. The neuralizer has four major dials to set the duration of time erased in the spectator’s memory. Each dial corresponds to minutes, weeks, months and years. Once the neuralizer has flashed there is a window of around 30 seconds in which an official can verbally tell the spectator what they have missed. Therefore, in doing this they can set up a false memory of what happened in the time that was erased.” (Quoted from nationmaster.com)

Several Neuralizers have fallen into the hands of the socialist left who have used it to brain wash media personnel. In order to fulfill their agenda, the device has been retooled, not to simply wipe memories by tweaking time settings, but very specific directives are contained in the flash, when administered, because the thirty second time delay was simply too short. Our team managed, through deep undercover work, to obtain one of these devices. We have discovered the coded directives contained in the flash:

1. Barack Obama is the only viable option to be elected as President of the United States.
2. Under no circumstances are you to investigate his background in anyway or ask any penetrating questions.
3. Accept whatever Obama’s campaign tells you about his past, including any of his associations.
4. Sen. Obama is exceedingly qualified to President of the United States.
5. A community organizer is a person who does all kinds of wonderful, helpful things in their community.
6. If Sen. Obama stutters through a speech or a question, you must edit this out of your broadcast or publication. Only show him speak smoothly and without hesitation.
7. Do not point out any descrepancies in anything he says. This includes, what you media-types call “gaffes”.
8. Portray all criticism of Sen. Obama as racism.
9. You must ignore Hillary Clinton as much as possible, unless she makes a misstatement.
10. Show as much footage, or write as many stories as possible about any questionable comments made by former Pres. Bill Clinton. If necessary, take his statements out of context.
11. Obtain as much polling data as possible from pollsters who use likely, not registered voters.
12. Ignore any scheduling snafus or inconvenience to yourself while traveling with Senator Obama throughout the campaign.
13. In the event of a close primary race, take no notice and make no comments about any unusual proceedings at the Democratic National Convention.
14. Ignore references to Sen. Obama portrayed as a Messianic figure.
15. Obtain as much polling data as possible from pollsters who use likely, not registered voters.
16. John McCain must be the Republican Party’s nominee for President. Once he is nominated, turn on him, quickly.
17. Any negative campaign ads from John McCain are desperate.
18. Senator Obama is the winner of any debate.
19. Whomever Sen. Obama chooses for a running mate, ignore them whenever possible.
20. Whomever Sen. McCain choose as a running mate, they are a right-wing, religious zealot. You must devote all your efforts to disqualifying this person, investigating their background and discovering s much negative information as possible. If this person does anything well, ignore it.
21. Sen. Obama cannot choose Hillary Clinton. She has too much baggage and is a divisive figure.
22. In the event of any unusual crises in the nation, you must pay close attention to Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Reid. Whatever they say needs to be done is correct.
23. The Republicans are wrong and the Democrats are right, unless the Republicans are agreeing with the Democrats.
24. In the event of any unusual crises, do not portray fault in anyway as resting with the Democrat-lead Congress; the fault lies with the Bush-McCain policies, or with big-business.
25. In the event of any unusual crises, whateever Barack Obama does to handle it, is presidential.
26. Remember, any criticism of Sen. Obama is racist.
27. Take no notice of any strange behavior by Obama’s followers.
28. Make no comments about any socialist or communist imagery you see on campaign literature or clothing items.
29. Throughout the period of the general election, any proposals put forward by Democrats are good ideas, and any put forward by Republicans are bad, unless they agree with the Democrats.
30. Find as many negative stories about the economy as possible.
31. At the earliest possible date, declare the race over.
32. Whenever possible, take your fellow journalists to an Obama Campaign office to visit with the staff. If traveling with the Senator, be sure to introduce your colleague directly to one of Sen. Obama’s advisers.

The following is a list of those who we have verified as neuralized, some whom we suspect, and a few who may have been blasted with the neuralizer in reverse.

Verified

Everyone at NBC.

Everyone at CBS.

Anyone not named Elisabeth Hasselbeck at ABC.

Anyone not named Lou Dobbs or John King at CNN.

The paper unfit to print anything. The New York Times.

Alan Colmes of FoxNews’ Hannity and Colmes. At one point, we thought poor Alan was just a really nice guy with good intentions who did a really good job of reciting his daily talking points memo, and who was a really unfortunate whipping boy for the sometimes unnecessarily and pettily mean Sean Hannity.

We even thought that poor Alan was capable of intellectually honest at times to repudiate wrong, unlike many ubber-leftists. All of that may have been true. Perhaps the neurlizer-wielders felt that the sliver of honest and fairness was stepping over the line. Mr. Colmes apparently received a really stupefying blast. Recently, during discussions of Barack Obama’s connections with “former” terrorist and self-professed small “c” communist and Marxist, turned educational guru, Bill Ayers, one of the Hannity and Colmes guests referred to the book Rules for Radicals . The guest mentioned the book as Obama first worked as a community organizer for a group started by the book’s author, Sal Alinksy. In a nutshell, the book is a road map for radical socialists to pragmatically use the existing societal structures to bring about wholesale change, a revolution, as it were. Specifically, the book speaks about “direct action” tactics, such as those employed by the group ACORN when they’ve broken into bankers’ offices and intimidated them verbally and physically in order to obtain compliance with their agenda. At the mention of the book, Alan queried, “What’s wrong with Rules for Radicals?”

In addition to this gem of a question, Mr. Colmes also clarified that the widespread reports of voter perpetrated by ACORN in at least a dozen states, is “…not voter fraud, it’s voter registration fraud.” There’s a distinction without a difference.

Coverage by MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews has raised eyebrows. We suspect that the Neuralizer flash administered to these men may have been extended beyond the recommended duration. They have apparently suffered permanent brain damage.

Everyone at the public indoctrination channel, aka PBS. No one at PBS would allow themselves to be photographed, so here’s just…some guy we found…

Everyone at the station dubbed by the man behind the golden EIB microphone, Rush Limbaugh, as PMSNBC. For all you people in Rio Linda, that’s MSNBC.

Fortune Magazine and Fox News “All Star” Nina Easton.

Easton wrote and commented prolifically on the subject of the bailout. She was clearly convinced that the public, you, “Main Street” just doesn’t want to bailout the “Wall Street Fat Cats” and that’s why there was such a firestorm of protesting emails and phone calls hailing down on Washington.

But even more likely to induce the requirement of wrapping your head in duct tape to avoid cranial explosion, on October 22, Easton actually made the statement that media bias was having no impact on the state of the Presidential election. She also stated that the Gov. Sarah Palin’s interview with CBS’s Katie Couric was “a straight interview”, there were not “gotcha” questions in it. Even Fred Barnes, another “All Star”, and newly added member of our neuralized suspect list, grunted in disbelief and jotted a note to himself to make a comment when it was his turn to speak in Brit Hume’s evening “All Star” panel discussion.

Mara Liasson, NPR (National Public Radio) National Political Correspondent and Fox News “All Star”

Admittedly, by default, Liasson falls under the blanket blast administered to NPR employees, but she deserves particular mention because in one appearance on Brit Hume’s Special Report, she provided one of the best examples of media ignorance and kool-aid drinking seen to date. Hume’s nightly “All Star panel” was discussing the importance of the relationship between Barack Obama and Bill Ayers. Liasson actually repeated, verbatim, as if gospel, Obama’s first explanation of the extent of this relationship. “He’s just a guy who lives in Obama’s neighborhood, their kids went to school together.”

We find Liasson’s brainless repetition of this blatant lie worth reviewing for a variety of reasons, and the only question: where to start? Liasson was sitting with three other “All Stars” and anchor Hume, all of whom, had to know that this was a large pile of smelly…(you get the picture). One of the other “Stars” was Juan Williams, an NPR colleague of Liasson, who had previously seemed very knowledgable about Mr. Obama’s questionable connections, particularly about Rev. Jeremiah Wright. He was extremely critical about Obama’s downplaying of his knowledge of Wright’s inflammatory, racist, anti-American statements. Williams was sitting right next to Liasson when she dropped her whopper, and he didn’t even blink. Curious how Mr. Williams keen insight and depth of knowledge on Obama evaporated the minute the primary season ended. No one called Liasson on it. Besides that, absolutely no one has mentioned that Obama made the statement about the his and Ayers’ children going to school together initially when questioned about the connection. Obama’s children are elementary school age while Ayers are both adults. It’s just one more lie, that is going completely past all the media.

What is most stunning about Liasson having repeated Obama’s lies is that she clearly took exactly what the esteemed Senator said at absolute face value, without bothering to check the statement. It’s a perfect illustration of how someone as radical as Sen. Obama can have gotten as far as he as on the national stage. He has media members like Liasson to thank.

Suspected/Watch List

Shepherd Smith seemed to like the “bail-out”, aka socializing of the financial system.

Between votes on the bailout bill, Shep seemed front and center in the full court press to convince the public that the bailout bill must pass. At one point, he was interviewing one of Fox’s “financial analysts” and he informed his guest that just in the few minutes since the beginning of his broadcast, he’d received over a dozen angry emails from viewers, opposed to the passage of the bill. He questioned the “expert” about why people just didn’t “get it”. We’re keeping an eye on Shep.

Fred Barnes, Executive Editor of the Weekly Standard, actually a purportedly conservative publication, co-host of Fox New’s weekend The Beltway Boys, and another Fox “All Star”.

The esteemed Mr. Barnes has truly become one of those Washington elite pinheads. Like so many members of the media, every event in politics is just part of some mildly interesting sport, not having any actual impact on people’s lives. He makes the list because he was just blaise about the necessity of passing the bailout bill, villified the House Republicans who tried to stop its passage, and proclaimed Barack Obama the winner of all three Presidential debates. Perhaps he’s just morphed into something that is no longer recognizable as conservative by default, but perhaps he’s been zapped. We’re keeping an eye on Fred, too.

Soft-spoken former Reagan speech writer, author, and frequent columnist, Peggy Noonan.

Noonan’s erratic behavior of late begs the question: was she zapped? She heaped praise on Gov. Palin after her RNC speech, and proclaimed, “She killed”, regarding Palin’s VP debate performance. Noonan promptly turned around within a couple of weeks and wrote a stunning criticism on Palin entitled, “Palin’s Failin’”. Excuse me?

Interestingly, radio and tv host Glenn Beck, who has talked about the importance of citizen-politician Palin’s appearance on the national scene and its potential for literally saving the country from what he sees as impending disaster, just a couple of days before Noonan’s scathing essay appeared in the Wall Street Journal, had spent hours with Noonan and couldn’t say enough good things about how “she gets it” when it comes to the feelings of disenfranchisement of the general population in the country. He mentioned that in addition to the full hour of TV time spent in discussing the crisis of confidence in the nation, he spent much time after the taping continuing the discussion. We find Noonan’s turnabout on Palin even more striking in light of this information.

Noonan’s future opinions should be monitored. All her essay seemed to do was to provide fuel to the left.

The De-Neuralized?

There seem to be a few in the media who have received a blast from the neuralizer with the button in the “reverse” position. Has some brave soul managed to “borrow” one of the neuralizers periodically from one of its keepers to zap a few media members? We’re looking into it. Meanwhile, a list of those whose reporting has become curiously straight forward or even downright assertive in an effort to report truth:

Since the start of her show on Fox News, Greta Van Susteren has been one of the nicest, most fair-minded journalists on television.

She’s so fair, she did a straight interview with Paris Hilton about her business ventures. Although Paris Hilton has certainly done many, many pinheaded celibutardish things over the years, the interview actually revealed there is some substantive business savvy in the seemingly vacant head of hers. Greta didn’t gush, she didn’t go for the usual Paris salacious gossip, she’d done her homework and she asked questions that actually elicited some interesting answers. I walked away from the TV shaking my head saying, “Only you, Greta, could be that nice.”

Greta also asks some of the best questions about criminal investigations on television. Her legal background shows itself as she puts forward her questions like an investigator. She always seems to strike the proper tone, not to tough, but tough enough.

Having said all of that, her usual wall-to-wall coverage of sensational criminal cases, I’ve always felt is a waste of her talents. My heart goes out to all the folks who are victims of crime, truly. But the glare of the spotlight on the handful of cases in recent years has turned too much news into tabloid television. In the interest of full disclosure during the 2004 election, she informed her audience that her husband was the Chair of John Kerry’s campaign in her home state of Wisconsin. There were other, intangible bits of evidence that Greta was probably a Democrat.

Greta gets a nomination for a neurlizer blast in the reverse position not because she was a biased person before, but because it seems that she has much editorial control over the content of her show and there has been a detectable shift recently. She appears to have a lot of control over the content because she spent a great deal of time covering the whole Brett Favre change of heart story, including interviewing him when the negotiations between the Packers and Favre had reached an impasse. Having been previously very open about her support of the Green Bay Packers, it’s hard to imagine she doesn’t have wide latitude to choose her show’s topics.

So, either she was zapped in a good way, or she is a former Hillary supporter who initially felt disenfranchised because of the outcome of the Democratic nominating process and her concerns since have moved into new areas. She has been doing non-stop political coverage since Sarah Palin was named as John McCain’s running mate. She went to Alaska within days, and interviewed everyone she could get her hands on, including Palin’s husband, Todd. She regularly expresses an opinion, not much like her, that Gov. Palin is being treated very unfairly by the press. She regularly posts questions on her blog, Gretawire, and creates a nightly poll for viewer participation. The most recent posed the question:

When CNN misrepresented the quote to Governor Palin, was CNN being ___dirty or ___incompetent? For a full explanation for the basis of this poll question, visit this link. If there any lingering doubts about Greta’s vociferous opinion on the whole subject of fairness, doubters should read the blog post Greta put up shortly after her show was over on Tuesday, October 22.

In addition to her scrutinization of anti-Palin media bias, Greta has also spent a lot of time covering the whole ACORN debacle, in fact, she devoted several days in a row to this subject the week of October 6.

We’re definately keeping an eye on Greta - we may have to move her to the Patriots list.

CNN’s Anderson Cooper seem like a semi-reasonable guy, but he does, after all, work for CNN, so what else does one need to say?

However, he was able to introduce, sit through, and follow a stunningly breathtaking act of actual penetrating investigative journalism on his network, when reporter Drew Griffin exposed, in much detail, the actual details of Barack Obama’s connections to Bill Ayers. In this report, Griffin made the following statement:

“But the relationship between Obama and Ayers went much deeper, ran much longer, and was much more political than Obama said.”

Cooper most likely received a very short zap from neurlizer; he did have difficulty controling himself at the end of Griffin’s report in making clear that Obama doesn’t agree with Ayers’ views. See, the blast didn’t last very long. We’ll keep our eye on Cooper, though.

CNN Special Investigative Unit Reporter Drew Griffin actually committed the random CNN act of journalism noted above and even managed to get it on the air. Was the zap administered strong enough to last past one report? We’ll see…